Recently I've been wanting to devote some time to the little bits of casual ways that the people around us can make us feel icky (microaggressions, anyone?).
For the record, I really do mean casual. Not big issues, or blatant displays that make my blood boil. These are more tiny things, things that we might not usually notice but are all the more dangerous because of this. It's these casual things, the comments and actions that demean us but are considered too small to get angry about, that reinforce how society knocks people down on a daily basis.
If anybody has examples of this that they would like to share, feel free to comment or, if you think your example deserves its own post, send me a message. Again, I'm looking for the types of things that would usually get you an exasperated look and a "Oh my god you're such a feminist" (or whatever label) from your friend/family member/goldfish who's tired of hearing you complain about the ways society oppresses women. Side note: if your goldfish is talking to you, you either need more friends or to ask it for three wishes.
So! Our first example! Aren't you excited to hear the comment that inspired the idea for this? I know I am! The most excited!
Last week NPR's program Fresh Air featured an interview with Nate Silver, a statistical analyst who writes a blog for the New York Times. It was a respectable interview that covered statistics in sports, politics, economics...everything (you can listen to the program here). I wasn't actually paying much attention (we all know ladies hate things like sports and politics, amirite????) when suddenly Silver, who had been talking about how much data we've generated in the past two years, said, "most of it [the data] is unimportant, like youtube videos of people's cats or texts between teenage girls". Ahh, what a beautiful sentiment. It warms the cockles of my little, cold feminist heart.
Now, my teenage years were not so long ago, and so I do understand it when people think that teenagers have trivial concerns. I'm not going to address whether this conception of teenagers is right or wrong (But really, we all went through that phase, we just didn't all have unlimited texting plans when we did, and besides, are we really going to waste energy deciding what is important enough for other people to care about? And are we really going to knock already insecure teens down because their problems aren't "important enough"?) but I want you all to notice the fact that Silver specified "girls". He could have just as easily said "texts between teenagers," as it means pretty much the same thing. Could have. But he didn't. In order to emphasize his point that the data in question was trivial, he added in the word "girls" for good measure. He probably didn't even think about it! Just like most people wouldn't question the comment itself. If I wasn't in such a grouchy mood I probably wouldn't have noticed it, either.
For a moment though, think about this: what would it have sounded like if Silver had said "texts between teenage boys"? That sounds weird, right? For me, at least, the phrase doesn't generate an image in my head, whereas thinking of texting teenage girls generates an image of airheaded teens giggling over gossip on their cell phones at the mall. It feels more comfortable. Do teenage boys text any less? By the way, not to undermine myself, but apparently studies have shown that teenage girls text more than teenage boys. That's not really what I'm talking about. More than that, I'm concerned that this goes deeper than who texts more. I'm afraid the real issue is that we're dealing with the instinctive feeling that teenage girls (and girls, or women, in general) are just sillier and more trivial than boys.
And are they, really? Think about the teenage boys you've known. I'm sure some of them are very responsible (just as some teenage girls are very responsible) but aren't some of them quite silly as well? Aren't we all super silly all the time? But I digress. Basically, going along with the belief that teenage girls don't deserve to be taken seriously not only undermines all women, but also affects the way that we teach the teenage girls around us. If we don't believe that teenage girls should be taken seriously, we are going to treat them that way, and that is the message that they will receive. Some of them might even believe that message and internalize it. "Little" comments like Mr. Sliver's really do matter.
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